How am I supposed to heart you if you never post?
Awwww. I was <3 you waaaay before you ever had a Tumblr. That IS what you meant, right?
In all actuality, there are really only three people that read this (4 if you count me). Since I stopped bitching about my loveless cunt of a wife, I haven’t had much to say (Thumper was right … if you can’t say anything nice….) but now that the band is getting back together (hopefully with a new name) then there should be PLENTY of boring band updates to torture you with (Like how I didn’t realize how easy the keyboard part to “Get Lucky” was until I saw someone break it down for me). I’ll do my best to provide more content (and more parenthetical wit).
I Got the Email
We’re getting the band back together. Literally.
I followed the example of my friends and made (with the help of my kids) dessert sushi for my work’s Halloween party. Delicious.
At first it didn’t click …..
I responded to that anonymous post thinking “Damn, s/he has really drilled down to the core of why no one responds to this blog… am I really that entitled with the things I say?” I posted my response and THEN realized they were talking about my rant about OKCupid. Damnit I missed a great opportunity to follow up and now that moment is gone, all because I thought the criticism was for this blog in general (which it also applies to) and not just my specific experience with OKCupid. I agree 100% that I felt entitled to a response, and thats the wrong attitude to have.
But lets not forget that I was still correct that it’s a woman’s market and so far I have been shown that they have a lack of grace when it comes to responding. It is akin to having a guy say hello to you at a singles event and you simply turning away without replying. To each his own tho, and I appreciate the anon keeping me in check.
Maybe your shitty entitled attitude is why they're not responding
Oh sweet, my first hate mail. I agree that I have a shitty attitude, but I’m not sure that I have an entitled one. I will take this criticism and learn from it however, and I will strive to be a better person because of it. Thank you for the feedback.
Seriously? After only being on the site for only 24 hours I am already exasperated with how things work. There is nothing more passive aggressive than filling your profile with how open you are to talking to new people and then not responding to messages. It tells me when you visit my profile, so you can’t pretend that you didn’t form a judgement by consciously not returning my message after reading the things I put out there for you to know about me. It’s a woman’s market in OKCupid, so I guess it’s easier to just ignore a message rather than responding and learning more about someone. Did you think that just because you show some cleavage in your photo that you should continue to hold out for guys 20 years younger to contact you and talk about your kids and your cats and your love of watching documentaries about poultry farms?
Hypocrisy abounds !
There Is Such A Thing As A Bad Surprise In Your Mouth, I’m Disappointed…
The fact that they changed Skittles to have a green apple, without telling me and without me reading the wrapper first, constitutes a bad mouth surprise. Gah.
Wut? I’d have given anything for my bad mouth surprise to be from a sugar ridden piece of CANDY! Mine involved excessive amounts of salt and um…poor communication.
Immediately followed by lots and lots of gagging and numerous unanswered voice messages. It basically ruined me for a good 5 years.
We’ve ALL been there, am I right?
So, what else is on that bucket list of yours?
Like any healthy, sexually deprived guy, my bucket list is pretty extensive. Here’s a sample:
- Find a woman who likes sex, only this time, just with me
- Threesomes are for underachievers… I’m looking for a 12some (no dudes)
- An all-you-can-eat Seafood bar that includes lobster, mussels, scallops, and grouper but does NOT contain food poisoning
- I would like to invent a time machine to go back and have sex with my first girlfriend again. I have something to show her entitled “rough anal”
- I would like to eliminate the flavor “cherry” from the world. What’s wrong with you people? Stop supporting this abomination
- I want a large breasted woman to ask me to do very naughty things to her
- I want to perform live on stage where large breasted women will fantasize about asking me to do naughty things to them
- I want to teach the world to sing, in perfect harmony. Then bludgeon U2 to death with a cricket bat.
- I want to make so much money that I can speak condescendingly about how money doesn’t buy you happiness
- I just want someone with whom I can exchange dirty KiK messages with (no dudes) (UserID: seriousfase)
- I want to be liked, and I will settle for lusted after
1 Is The Loneliest Number, But 35 Is A Party
So guess how many pounds I’ve lost so far? Crap!! I think I may have given it away in the title….
The Good, The Bad, and The Bonus
- I woke up this morning and realized that my wallet was nowhere to be found
- I think back to when I last saw it and it was last night at the grocery store. I wrote a check and left it on the little check writing shelf after I put my ID back in it
- I call the store at 6:30am to ask if they had my wallet, they check the safe, no wallet
- Now I’m in a panic because I need my ID today and I’ll also need my debit card to buy gas and what-nots
- I wake the kids up extra early so that they can get ready to be with me at the DMV at 8am when they open (middle school doesn’t start until 9:30, earliest I can drop them off is 8:45)
- We are at the DMV on time
- To replace my missing license, I have to pay $30 (thank God they take checks) and get a new picture
- I am NOT ready to get a new picture
- My last picture from a year ago was perfect. Freshly cut hair, I wore a tie to look professional, it was great
- Today’s pic was in a white polo shirt, so it could have been worse, but my hair is scruffy as hell cause I wasn’t going to get it cut until Saturday
- I get the license, update my address in the process (I was smart enough to think ahead and brought 3 different late notice bills with my current address on them)
- Today is “Walk to School” Day, so I drop one kid off at the Public Library for the school-coordinated and chaperoned walk. The other kid was not gonna walk unless I told him to, so I dropped him off at school
- I race to the bank and cancel my missing debit card
- Would I like a new debit card issued? Yes I would. Would I like to wait 5-7 business days to once again have access to my money like a normal 21st Century human does? No I would not
- I drive across town to the only branch that can issue a new card in-house
- While there, the customer service agent (or whatever he’s called) checks my account status
- Did I remember that program I joined like 10 years ago to earn points that could be spent on Chase logo umbrellas or Chase logo polo shirts? Yes I do.
- Did I ever spend any of those points to buy any of the extravagant logo-ized items to advertise Chase Bank everywhere I go? No I did not.
- The CSA tells me that because the laws had changed regarding giving away items for those points, I have missed the opportunity to buy those items forever. I am not disappointed
- The CSA then informs me that I had a balance of 26,000 points and asks if I would prefer to just convert them to cash and deposit them into my checking account
- I figure why not, I could use the money take the kids to McDonalds or something for dinner
- Turns out that my points converted to around $268.00
- Maybe this wont be such a bad day after all….